I ‘KNOW’ YOU CAN … BUT…..

March 10 2015

I ‘KNOW’ YOU CAN … BUT…..

I believe the maxim:  patience is a virtue, but more so that it is part of our faith – that within the aspect of patience is the depth to which faith is held.

Today at the beach,  Chica, Cooper's counterpart, took off after the geese and ducks that were swimming in the bay.  Completely oblivious to the distance, she swam out with blind faith towards her targets with a belief that she would catch up with them.

Exactly what her plans were once they met snout to beak, I have no way of knowing. What I do know is that, based on her degree of determination, her inspiration/intention was obviously pretty important.

She never looked back once to ponder if she was maybe traveling too far, she was laser-focused on her target.

I wish I knew how to determine the distance between where I was standing, plus the distance of the low-tide sandbars, plus the distance of water in which Chica was swimming towards the open sound, directly in line with the 3:00 p.m. sailing of the B.C.Ferries.

It is significant to note that I could not see her head at one point and was only finally aware of where she was, due to the Canada goose that swam a little bit too close to her snout.   It took a quick, air born 'hop' across to safer water,  just slightly in front of the blip that I then realized was my 80-pound dog almost completely under water.

Cooper ran and jumped into the sea a couple of times with tremendous enthusiasm, and with joyful glee he bounded back and forth along the length of the shore, nose to the shells and algae, sniffing in delight all the scents of the sea.  Splashing his paws, totally engaged in the sensation of freedom and movement in the great outdoors, he had to look a couple of times to realize that Chica had taken off without him.

At one point before she went out too far, he caught up with her, he swam alongside, but then quickly became bored;  waterfowl don't ignite a light in him nearly as much as frolicking in the great open expanse of water.  Mind you, water is water, and I’m sure he would have as much enjoyment and excitement if the expanse was only that of a puddle.

Although this wasn’t the first time that I've been on the shore with Chica almost completely out of sight, it was the first time that I noticed my thoughts so significantly focused on my awareness: my only choice was to watch her swim and know that she would come back.

Patience brings about a settled feeling within when we become aware that there are certain things that are beyond our control.  This was one of those times.

When I took her off-leash, she raced immediately towards the water and, between the ducks and the time it took to repeat the action with taking off Coopers leash, she was beyond her ability to hear any commands that I may have issued.

I chose to stand and observe.  I chose to enjoy the ambiance and beauty of the beach, being mindfully aware of the contrast of colors in the sky, the water, the shoreline.

I chose to be mindfully aware of the people scattered on the beach, of which there were only a few, which I'm always particularly grateful for.  They were enjoying the low tide and various activities: standing on the rocks breathing in the fresh ocean air, walking, scavenging for metal, or walking their own dogs. 

Then I wondered ….. how far could she possibly go? ….. could she swim to the point of exhaustion before looking back?

I admired her strength and ability for swimming. and what appears to be her innate propensity for the activity. 

I thought, if this was the day that she didn’t turn around and swim back, meeting her demise due to exhaustion, that, too, would be beyond my control. 

All I can do is have faith, I thought,  that she will turn around when she's ready to,  and/or her angels decide that it's time to bring her back to shore.

Through all these thoughts I stood perfectly still, watching, observing and being mindful of my peaceful heart and the stillness within my body, which showed no signs of an increase of anxiety or worry. 

I felt the warmth in my heart and heard my thoughts …” all is well”… true faith is about 'knowing' that all things are as they should be.

Cooper continued to play and enjoy his own experience on the beach, occasionally glancing up and outwards to cast a peek at where she might be.  He also instinctively knew that she would be fine and would return to him in due course… which, of course she did.....as he knew she would....

His faith in all things being in their rightful order was a sign to me that my same faith is a sound and positive assumption.

The lessons continue ..........

I’d love you, if ONLY…..

March 8^th, 2015 

Conversations with Cooper

I’d love you, if ONLY….. 

Currently I’m house/pet sitting for a set of the most strikingly beautiful Balinese cats.  It’s been said that when we find our passion all things flow in our life.

 Pets have always been my passion. I grew up with dogs and, as a single mother raising three children, gave them the gift of growing up with an assortment of pets. 

I’ve discovered that my passion of caring for other people’s pets in their home is one of my greatest experiences of fullfilment and happiness. 

I was sitting with the cats at the time I received the call from Christine, my 23 year old daughter, distraught and in tears repeating the words, “Mom you’d better come over ….Mom you’d better come over”…. 

My typical response to anyone that’s notably upset, is to ask them to take a breath and calm down.

 Their typical response is to continue to be upset, out of breath, at times hysterical, but most definitely, worked up.  

 I continue to repeat the calm instructions, asking them to breathe and calm down, so that I can understand what has upset them, and then determine what is within my power to do.

 It’s second nature for me to be the ‘calm in the eye of the storm’ and I’m grateful for such a gift in the face of difficult challenges. 

 I am able to guide others to collect themselves and become grounded so that their emotions are somewhat in check, for a brief moment. 

 Then they can focus on one small step at a time, not taxing their bodies and emotions to such extreme lengths.  

 Although the emotions still need to stream through their consciousness, with calmness comes a wave of ability to manage and steer through the confusion and upset. 

My daughter Christine continued to repeat the words between her tears, the pitch increasing as she gasped to catch her breath.

 My mind moved to question if her sister was okay because of her degree of panic.  In the background, the voice of her caregiver calmly encouraged her to ‘slow down and calm down’, advising her that ‘Mom’  had no idea what was happening and would perhaps worry the entire driving distance if she had no inkling of the problem.

The words eventually spilled out, ‘Poppa called,-- Nana’s gone. She died in her sleep last night.  I knew she was sick at Christmas time, but she was getting better!’…... my mom had passed away in her sleep and my Dad had phoned to let my daughter know.

At that point there was an immediate silence between us.  She had calmed down and I was processing the news. Not shocked, not panicked, just the matter of fact processing of information.

 ‘Christine, as you know, they don’t talk to me…. I didn’t even know she was sick,’ I uttered redundantly, as neither of my parents have spoken to me in years.  

 Several years ago, a difference of opinion resulted in my parents’ decision to disown me as their daughter -- a contradiction, I used to think, as far as being loved unconditionally!  Adopted as a newborn in Argentina by my Canadian parents, I was strongly influenced by my father and raised to be independent, resourceful, and capable.

Christine and I spent time on the phone with very little talking, just breathing and being together, as I held space for her to feel her emotions and allowed her to cry out in pain as she needed to. 

My tears came shortly after I hung up the phone as I sat on the couch processing the news. My tears were short lived -- a flow moving through me -- coupled with a sadness, realizing that she was gone.  

 My feelings moved to a sense of gratitude for the things that she’d done for my brother and me as we grew up -- gratitude for all that she sacrificed, as mothers do, in their dedication to their children.  I was gratefully aware of the things that I learned from my mom. 

I found myself wishing my Mom had survived my Dad. I thought, in many ways she would have been stronger than what I assume he will be.

 In those moments, I experienced my deepest feelings of sadness and regret, imagining how shocked, saddened, alone, and overwhelmed he would have been, discovering, as he woke up, that his wife was gone.  

 What really made me sad was imagining the call he would have made to 911:  the ambulance, the shock, confusion and the chaos that would ensue from there. 

The only mother that I have ever known has passed now. We weren’t close for all the years that I recall, although I hopefully brought her joy as a baby and a little girl. 

There must have been a time that the love we shared was unconditional.

All of us are given certain gifts that are unique to who we are, and they are as varied as we are as individuals. One of my gifts if my affinity to animals.  Dogs and cats connect with me at a very deep level…. with an instant, trusting bond, -- animal love. 

Unconditional love is what pets share with their owners.

 I’ve wondered what my life would have been like if I had experienced the same level of unconditional love from my parents that I have experienced with my pets – especially the love that I share with Cooper and that he shares with me.

I believe pets bring us our greatest experiences of unconditional love. Always happy and excited to see and be with us,  they are accepting of all things.

 They offer pure love, simply for the sake of offering love -- and I believe they allow us a safe space to share our love in return. 

My mom passed through this life with the inability to extend unconditional love towards me as her daughter. 

My quest is to live like Cooper, to continually learn and expand my ability to love wholeheartedly, to live fully, and to accept with excitement and happiness all the opportunities that come my way.

The lessons continue....................

Men-o-Paws

Men-o-Paws 

Over the past several weeks, I've noticed that Cooper's mood at bedtime seems to be changing into that of a [somewhat] grumpy old man.

Anxiously, he jumps up and joins me on the bed and, in his inelegant, heavy-footed manner lands on top of me, pinning me to my pillow-and-mattress as a way to ensure that he's as close to me as physically possible.  His face is in my face, head down, eyes up, ensuring that I'm fully aware of his presence and that he's claimed me as his as we prepare ourselves for slumber.

Lately, his routine has taken on the initial “dig in as close to mom as possible” movements and then, after a few moments of cuddling in tight, he rolls to his left side, stretches out on the opposite side of the bed and continues to look at me [now from one eye] to make sure that I'm still in the same place.

As I settle in with my smart phone to begin my nightly meditation, deep breathing and getting focused for my centering time, I hear the beginning of a low moan that eventually builds into a crescendo of disgust. 

Before I can figure what I’ve done to annoy him, he jumps down off the bed and treads back to the living room … to either the couch or his bed.  To the best of my knowledge, I didn't move my legs over to 'his' side of the bed. I didn't adjust, move over, or take more than my allotted space on the bed. I’m perplexed at what I inadvertently did to offend him to the point that left me to enjoy the full space of the mattress to myself! 

He's truly becoming a grumpy old man.
 
Recently I, too, have been noticing a little bit of grumpiness within myself towards an unexpected, and seemingly increasing change in my skin.  In the past, if I've used a different soap or cleanser, my sensitive skin will react instantly and leave me with a dry patch of skin. Once I realize what's caused it and discontinue the use of that product, within a day or two it will settle down.

For the past two-plus weeks this situation has occurred again, however this time it has flared up, becoming far worse than it's ever been.  Hives? or an allergic reaction to something in the environment?  perhaps unrecognized stress or something I've ingested?  

Or, it could simply be related to the start of new biological changes in my body due simply to age! 
 
Being a logical, analytical thinker, it has been a challenge for me to simply accept what feels like a radical change in my always perfect, healthy complexion. 


When I look in the mirror and see my physical self differently than I used to less than a month ago, the experience  has connected me to an awareness of my conscious thoughts.  

This disconnect, between the ego and the heart, queries how much do I really love and accept myself despite my outward appearance? 

My physical body is beginning to transition through other biological changes as well, which I have not necessarily accepted with tremendous appreciation and gratitude.  I have been in 'resistance'  -- a result of the shock of, what feels like, drastic overnight change. 

My intention and belief has always been that I will easily live to be 100 years old. Later this year I'll be turning 54 and I realize that, doing the math, I'm currently in the 'mid' stage of my life.  

Now it begins to make sense why Cooper becomes grumpy at times -- for what appears to be no direct cause.  Almost 7 years old, he is transitioning to his 'middle age' as well, which helps to explain his meno--paws trials and tribulations.   

A few days ago, I was not readily accepting the current and obvious changes of my own menopause.  Through meditation, contemplation, conversations with friends, research on-line, holistic practitioners and the medical community, I explored the potential causes of this skin rash. I have done muscle testing for food, used products to heal the rash and, in the end, it appears that it's simply an adjustment to the change in my hormone levels. 

Yesterday, I started thinking about how Cooper handles life. What would he do if he was aware that life was changing around him, relative to his confidence about things in the past?  Would he question who he was, would he feel insecure or less confident about his appearance because of external physical changes beyond his control?   

I decided that, NO!  he would not. He would continue to love who he is because that's the reason he was put on the earth to begin with. He has a recent small growth on the outside of his right eye which appears to be age-related and of which he is unaware.  It bothers me far more than it does him. 

I realized that the reason it bothers me comes from a deep, core-belief of mine that still spins and spirals -- the need for perfection in all that I do.  I learned at a very young age how to survive, thrive, and be accepted by ‘being perfect' in my behavior and presence.  

The continuing lesson:   to deepen the loving acceptance and love for myself, regardless of any rash or other naturally-occurring biological changes. 

If my soul, spirit and being are really what I'm about [ and they ARE! ] then, what counts in the end is the inward trek to a deeper love for myself.

My spirit and soul will continue into infinity, my physical body will not. My choice is to love, enjoy, honour and accept my physical body as it is, and as it will be.  I'm choosing to follow Cooper's zest for life, regardless of the growth on his eye or his grumpy mood at bedtime.

The moments we seize bring us the greatest joy. I now have a logical explanation for why my skin is changing in, what feels like, drastic ways. However, now that I'm giving it less focus from a view of frustration and negativity and more from a loving, gentle, kind and compassionate space, I also have the faith that it will resolve itself in due course.

As a dear friend reminded me just recently…. to share some kindness in the world by starting with myself.....

The lessons continue..................

Cooper gives Chica a Valentine ~

Cooper gives a Valentine...........

Both Cooper and Chica received a little extra treat on Valentine's Day……two walks to the beach on the same day instead of just one!  

Although Chica's paw continues to heal from her barnacle experience at Piper's Lagoon, her mood had been somewhat somber over the past few days. The discomfort of the cut in her pad took it's toll in terms of tempering her energy. She often looked so sad and disheartened, knowing that she wasn't up to her full capabilities on her daily walks, getting her exercise or playing on the beach. 

She slept more than usual and, when she wasn't sleeping, she'd lay on her bed and look at me through those deep black eyes with a questioning look...... Mom when can I go out again?  Cooper decided to follow suit. 

Typically my mornings begin with him standing quietly beside the bed, patiently wagging his tail to greet me as I wake up and to remind me that he's ready for his first pee. 

When I open my eyes, my first actions are to say ‘thank you’ for the new day, turn the light on and cuddle/pet the pups good morning from the edge of my bed. I give kisses on their noses, ask how they slept and tell them I love them.

Usually Cooper leads me towards the back door at which point I say to him 'go pee, come right back and stay in the yard'.

This week however, when I turned on the light there were no wagging tails alongside my bed, or Cooper’s piercing golden eyes staring back at me. There was nothing!  No pups and no greetings at all, which told me right away something was up.

I looked around and discovered Cooper sound asleep, curled up close to Chica with no sign of being ready to get up at all. 

Strange, I thought as I carried on with my morning rituals.  After my shower I was sure Cooper would be up and ready to go out. It's rare for him to wait past 6:00 a.m. to get on with things, yet here it was, well after 6 with still no sign of him stirring.  Two hours later, finally! some signs of life.  They were now ready to greet the day so we got ready for our reduced walk as Chica's paw is still not quite ready for our usual power walking pace.

I commented last blog about how impressed I was when Cooper set his walking pace to be in stride with hers.  Now I was observing that his entire demeanor matched hers throughout the day with all of her activities. Her appetite was reduced and his appetite then became reduced. She slept more than usual and Cooper began sleeping more. 

He laid alongside of her a number of times sharing a corner of her bed instead of curling up on his own.  His compassionate support and empathy for her was evident throughout the days that she wasn't quite herself.  
 
It was really quite something to observe. 

Valentine’s Day is all about the focus of love. Celebrating romance, being smitten by the one you're in love with. It's a day that is about showing the lovers, friends, and family members how much you love them by sharing extra-special kindness, loving hugs, tender kisses, and warm embraces.  

Cooper didn't offer Chica any tender kisses or smooches that I was aware of, however he did offer the utmost in special kindness, support, understanding and empathy. He was completely and totally in tune with her energy, her need to kick back, heal and lay low. 

 I've heard it said that it's a dog's world....... if Cooper’s actions are an indication of the values dogs embrace in their world, then I most definitely want to be a part of it.

The lessons continue..................

Cooper sets the pace.................

This morning while walking the pups, I told Cooper how much I love him. It's something he's used to hearing because every day I make a point of sharing with him just how much I do.  In fact, I always include my pups when I do my daily ‘gratitude list’.

Today however, the love and gratitude was specifically about the kindness, consideration and compassion Cooper shared for Chica, his partner in crime.

This past weekend we spent an hour and a half at the beach. What a blessing that was! A mild winter day in BC with overcast skies and mild temperature, the sun peeked out occasionally and the raindrops appeared only in the morning for a short period.

Pipers Lagoon is one of the most beautiful places on Vancouver Island. It's a rocky beach with sandy shores that attract all sorts on any given day.  The diehards, including myself, are the ones that hang out at the beach, regardless of how brisk or breezy the days are in the winter time.

Dogs are welcome to be off leash during the off-season which allows them the freedom to streak along the shore line, jump in the water, climb over the jagged rocks and hills and run through the forested trails on the knoll. It's an incredible place.

I prefer to not be like most everybody. With that in mind Chica, Cooper and I migrated to the right-side path to the beach and decided to forge along the shore to see how far we could go before we ran out of beach to walk on. 

 The pups were in their glory:  running, jumping, climbing and walking up and down over the rocks and the tree trunks. Occasionally they'd run up the cliffs as far as they could go checking out all the scents of the wildlife.  They were enjoying the sense of adventure, being in nature and exploring parts of the beach they'd never been to before.

At the furthest point we could travel, we lucked into a beautiful oasis: a hidden cove surrounded by boulders and large pieces of driftwood that had floated in from a log boom.

Chica scampered on the beach with a stick in her mouth, eyes wide open and excited to have fun. Cooper was dashing back and forth to the ocean, jumping into the waves as they crashed against the shore and then running back to the beach.  He rolled on his back with his feet in the air, barking to share his excitement.

Once in a while, Chica would dash off from playing on the beach and climb up onto the boulders in an attempt to get closer to the water where the sea-lions were playing. We couldn’t see them, however I could hear them and so could she. Although determined to jump in and play with them, she would retreat every time I called her back for her safety.

The next day Chica started limping and favoring her right paw. I examined it and discovered that she had cut her pad on the barnacles. Ouch, poor girl!  What an impact that has had on our daily morning walk, usually a minimum of an hour.  Chica in particular, is insistent on the morning routine as part of doing her 'business'. Without at least a half hour of movement the only thing she has is a quick pee!

Yesterday’s walk was shortened by 50 minutes as she very gingerly stepped on her right paw until she could pee and go home.  Both Cooper and Chica are high energy, as am I. We walk daily as part of our regular routine and we all love it. We have often walked for hours and a morning without our walk is like a morning without coffee for the caffeine addict.


Cooper endeared himself to me yet again as I noticed how he paced his ten minute walk to support and suit Chica's limp.  Generally, they are both eager to move quickly and get on with things. Cooper is always on the move, quite often walking ahead of Chica, eager to be the first to sniff all the fascinating discoveries along the way.


Today, Cooper’s enthusiasm was tempered, as he slowed down to match Chica's level of mobility. He walked calmly alongside her -- almost in step with her during the entire walk. It became about what was best for Chica, not about Cooper’s wants or needs.  Usually he seeks only to satisfy his anticipation, interest or curiosity in the world.  Today it was about offering support, understanding and patience for Chica’s level of activity.


Cooper shared his love, respect and compassion for Chica as he walked alongside her at a calm, matching pace and I thought to myself, ‘Cooper, what a beautiful gift you've given to Chica.’  His gifts of kindness and understanding, along with love, respect and compassion are the key elements that embody the very essence of our own humanity.


I AM so grateful to have witnessed the unspoken love I saw today.




The lessons continue...................................